I love you for loving me
by October8th2005
Summary: 5 years later - Dan & Serena are living together. They love each other, they really do. But can they overcome EVERY obstacle?
1. you're my head, you're my heart

Dan and Serena are both in their senior year at college and live in a mid-size apartment in Downtown Manhattan which is, of course, sponsored by Lily van der Woodsen. Along with her studies, Serena does an internship at Vogue, while Dan spends his days writing short-stories and trying to get them published.

* * *

Dan and Serena are lying it bed together as the alarm clock goes off.

„What time is it?", Serena says grumpily, covering her eyes with her pillow.

„6:30am, sleepy head, time to get up.", Dan says as he puts her pillow aside and kisses her forehead carefully.

„5 more minutes?", she whispers, snuggling up to Dan.

„Should be fine." he answers, pulling her closer to him, their foreheads now touching.

She kisses him lightly, resting her arm on his waist. He strokes her hair then her cheek, placing a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. He then takes her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers, stroking her hand with his thumb. She smiles at him, not believing her luck. Dan and Serena have been together for 5 years now and it feels like their love has only grown in the last past years. Everyday, she falls a little more in love with him and she's positive that nothing ever could break them apart. They had to face so many obstacles and yet they've always overcome them. And as a couple, they only grew stronger. Dan still looks at Serena the way when they first started dating, the way that makes her feel so unbelievably special.

„You're beautiful, you know.", Dan says quietly.

„Your eyes, your hair, your face. I can't even say what I love most about you.", he continues, making Serena blush.

„Well I _do_ know what I love most about you... your superior cooking skills", she loudly laughs at her own joke.

„I'm just kidding, i'm just kidding.", she continues as Dan gives her a little slap on the behind.

„Hey what was that for?", she says fake-sulkily, making a pout.

„I am beyond offended that you're using me for my cooking skills. I thought you were different...", Dan says, winking at her.

She smiles and sits up placing a soft kiss on his lips.

„I love you for _this_.",

„And I love you for _this_.", now kissing his cheekbones.

„And for _this_.", she says as she gently touches his eyes.

„And _this,_" placing her hand on his heart. „I love you for _this_.", she repeats.

„I love you for loving me.", she whispers in his ear.

„Well... I can live with that.", he looks at her seriously, not trying to burst into laughter.

„You're stupid.", she says scuffing him in the side, a little to hard because he falls off the bed.

She covers her mouth and hopes he didn't hurt himself and is relieved when Dan says laughing: „It's time to get up anyway."

He stands up, going to the bathroom with Serena following him. She gets ready for her internship and he gets ready for his early-morning English literature class. They have a small breakfast together, then leave the building and kiss one last time before heading into different directions.

„Bye, baby, see you tonight.", he says, letting her hand go.

„Yep. I love you.", Serena says.

„I love you, too.", he responds.

* * *

Dan's class is dismissed at 11am which leaves him about 6 hours to do the grocery shopping, clean the house and find a publisher who'd be gracious enough to even consider publishing one of his stories. The last task seemed like mission impossible, considering Dan has been trying to do so for 4 months now. He enters the office of the „New Yorker"-magazine, where he has an appointment with the publisher. Dan is lead to a large office where he is asked to sit down. A couple of minutes later a well-fed man enters the room and sits down on the chair in front of Dan, a desk in between them.

„Well, Mr. Humphrey...", the publisher says as there's slowly forming sweat on Dan's forehead.

„I do have good news for you... The New Yorker is willing to publish your continuation of '10-08-05' as it seems to perfectly fit in our section 'romance'.", he continues, making Dan smile brightly.

„Thank you, Sir. I am so honored. Thank you.", Dan says not believing his luck.

After 4 months, he finally succeeded. He can't wait to share the news with Serena, who is going to be thrilled.

The publisher comes a little closer and says „But between us men … this seems like pure fiction..."

„Quite the contrary in fact." Dan says as he stands up and holds his hand up for the publisher to shake.

„Lucky boy," the publisher says, returning the hand shake „seems like a fairytale."

„Pretty much." Dan responds „Goodbye and thank you again, Sir."

He leaves the office, smiling like an idiot. He really was living a fairytale life. Dan goes grocery shopping at Dean & Deluca then cleans up the apartment. He spends the rest of his day writing and waiting for Serena.

**#**

11pm the same evening, Serena is about to leave the Vogue office. She looks through the window, noticing it's completely dark outside already. It's fall after all. She texts Dan that she's about to leave the building, telling him to start cooking.

_*leaving now, fire up the oven, I AM STARVING.- S 3*_

_*done and done. + I have good news. I love you. - Dan*_

_*Uhhh, I'm excited. I'll hurry. I love you, too. - S*_

Knowing her way inevitably leads through Central Park, she plugs her headphones in and turns the volume to the maximum. Serena hates the dark so she turns on Florence + The Machine's latest album. It's been on loop for weeks now and it was getting on Dan's nerves already but Serena didn't mind and wouldn't stop playing it. She walks through the gates of Central Park, faster than normal because she was scared but mostly because she was walking with the beat of the music, mumbling the lyrics along. Crossing the baseball field, the pond and the rocks where people sunbathe in summer, she knows the end of Central Park is close so she slows down. A little out of breath, she squeaks with joy when her favorite song comes on.

_*No light, no light in your bright blue eyes...*_

Lost in thought she doesn't notice the creature that is crossing her way. When she finally notices the person, she believes to be a man, judging from his shape, she plugs out her headphones. Her heart is beating so fast, she is positive she can hear it.

"Can I help you, Sir?", she asks quietly, still not knowing how that person looks.

**a/n: first chapter of a story that I've planned on writing for a couple of months now. Review and let me know if you like it. Next chapter is going to be longer. :) **


	2. hollow

She clears her throat and asks again, a little louder and more confident this time.

„Can I help you, Sir?"

He moves closer. Fast. And before Serena knows it, he hits her. Hard. She falls to the floor. He moves her a little to the side and sits on top of her, holding both her arms to the ground so she isn't able to move. Tears roll down her cheeks. She cries and tries to scream but he is covering her mouth with his dirty hands. When she wants to kick him with her feet, fight back, he slaps her again. She's scared and in pain and as he puts his lips on hers, she completely loses herself

_/Why me?/What did I do to deserve this?/Why fight back when when it's gonna happen anyway?/_

Serena's body becomes stiff, her once so bright eyes become hollow as he rips her blouse off and grabs her breasts with his hands. His faces moves closer to hers, licking it, then licking the space between her breasts. She cries, whines and squeals but at the same time she knows that there's nobody near who could possibly hear her. His clothes are gone within a second. He plays with her breasts as he touches himself.

„Girls like you need to be fucked hard." he whispers in her ear, laughing devillish.

But Serena is in trance, hoping it'll be over soon. She knows it won't be. He roughly grips her waist, opens the button of her jeans, gets rid of it, and her panties. His filthy fingers touch her where only Dan is allowed to touch her. Serena whimpers which ensures her another slap. He moves his fingers in and out. It hurts. So much. But Serena is brave and completely silent. Still touching himself, he gets bored with what he's doing. He squeezes her breasts again then takes his thing in his hand and enters her. Fast. Rough. Serena squeals loudly, going through a kind of pain, she has never felt before. He moves fast, pushing hard and aggressively. He comes quickly, filling Serena with everything that's him. He pulls out and moves his face close to hers.

„Good girl." he says as he pinches her cheek and gives her a peck.

He puts on his clothes and runs away, leaving Serena where she is. Completely naked. Serena can't move. She's freezing, she's in pain. So much pain. Not even being able to locate the pain, she moves herself slightly to the right, grabbing her phone, pressing speed dial. She inhales deeply as it rings.

„Serena, it's 11:30pm, I need my beauty sleep. Wha –" the person on the other is being interrupted by soft, heartbreaking sobs.

„Blair; I'm in Central Park; I need help." Serena says with her voice shaking, before she collapses.

* * *

She doesn't witness much of the drive to Lenox Hill Hospital. The paramedics gave her some pretty strong pain killers, not being entirely sure what exactly happened to her. Serena managed to cover herself in her clothes before they arrived, not wanting to be exposed. As Serena's face looks pretty beaten up, the paramedics figured she probably got mugged and tried to fight back. Arriving at the ER, they start suturing her face, as she has a gash on her cheekbone. She also has a broken forearm, which they cover in a cast. When she wakes up, a crying Blair is holding her hand. When Blair sees Serena is waking up, she contains herself and wipes away her tears. Blair strokes Serena's hand gently.

„What happened?", she asks, hoping not having gone too far just yet.

„I got mugged.", Serena lies as she looks away from her, not wanting Blair to know the truth. Her eyes fill up with tears and she sobs bitterly as Blair grips her

hand even harder. The doctor enters the room and starts speaking in medical language, which neither Serena nor Blair understand.

„In other words, Ms. Van der Woodsen... You have a bruised cheekbone as well as a fractured forearm. We'd like to keep you in for a couple of days, for security reasons."

Serena turns her head away, not wanting to hear it. Blair waves the doctor goodbye and turns back to Serena.

Blair knows something is wrong. They've know each other their entire lives, shared every secret and have overcome every obstacle together. She knows her

better than anyone.

„I talked to the police officer earlier,...", Blair interrupts the silence „he said they found a man at the north gate of Central Park, with bruised knuckles, walkingaround suspiciously..." She stops talking as Serena starts crying again, covering her ears at best she can with just one hand.

„Serena? Look at me. I need you to be honest with me," Blair says gripping her best friends hand once again.

„He didn't just mug you, did he?"

„I don't want Dan to know.", Serena speaks up for the first time after the doctor left.

* * *

When Serena arrived at the hospital, they took away all her clothes and personal belongings to save any form of DNA the alleged mugger could have left. That also included her cell phone. Dan was still at home, waiting for Serena to arrive but when it was 12am and there was still no sign of her, he tried calling her. Many times. Without success. He got a little worried, so he called Blair who was just about to call him.

„Hey Blair, do you have any idea where Serena is? She should've arrived home 30 minutes ago.", Dan says unsuspecting.

„She's at Lennox Hill, she got mugged and she asked for you.", Blair says with her voice shaking, knowing she's lying to Dan but she's in no position to tell him the truth so she keeps her mouth shut.

„Oh my god, I'm on my way.", Dan says as he runs to the door and catches the next cab he can get.

* * *

When he arrives at the hospital it's almost 1am. He literally runs to the front desk.

„My-my name is Dan Humphrey. I'm here for Serena van der Woodsen. Where can I find her?" he says as someone tips him on his shoulder and he hears a familiar voice. He turns around and sees Blair.

„Dan... her room number is 2005, that corridor over there", she says as she points him into the right direction.

When Dan walks away to find Serena's room, Blair spots the nurse that's been taking care of Serena.

Blair pulls her aside and whispers: „We're gonna need a rape kit," The nurse looks surprised. „and make sure her boyfriend doesn't notice", Blair continues as thenurse nods understanding.

Blair tries to be her usual cool self but inside she's hurting so much. Her best friend got raped and she can't do anything to help her cope. Of course she'd keep that secret for Serena, though she didn't know for how long she could keep it in before it became too much to handle...

* * *

When Dan arrives at room 2005, he takes a moment to take a deep breath. He has no idea what expects him behind that door and frankly, he is scared. He knocks, then enters the room. What Dan sees makes his knees go weak. There she is, his girlfriend, the love of his life, lying in a hospital bed. He examines her face. Two black eyes, her cheekbone sutured, her nose swollen and her arm covered in a cast . Serena smiles bravely when Dan's eyes fill up with tears, though he manages to smile back. He turns around again, now facing the door, not believing what he just saw. He has never been a crier nor super emotional but seeing Serena like that makes him cry. Thousands of thoughts shoot through his head

_/Why wasn't I there to protect her?/How could someone do that to her?/We live in NYC, why the fuck wasn't there anyone who could help her?/I'm going to kill that fucking bastard/_

She knows he's heartbroken and tries to be strong for him. She inhales deeply and starts talking.

„Dan?", she says. „Dan, come here.", she continues as Dan is still not moving. „Come here!", she says, now more insistently.

Dan finally turns around and walks up to her. He puts his head on Serena's legs, not knowing what to do. As he starts crying, Serena's eyes fill up with tears.

With her good hand, she strokes through his hair to comfort him, when it should be the other way around.

„I'm okay Dan," she says bravely „It's gonna be okay."

**#**

The next day Serena sends Dan home to get some sleep. They didn't talk much anyway. There was nothing to say. Dan could see the fear in Serena's eyes. Everytime a visitor would come, she'd cringe and start shaking. He couldn't watch his girlfriend suffering like that and he wished he could suffer for her. But he couldn't. Just as Serena is about to drift to sleep, Blair stands in the door angle with fresh flowers, smiling lightly. It's a short visit because a nurse comes by with a wheelchair to take her to her _examination_.

„I'm gonna wait for you." Blair says. Serena responds with a weak smile.

She undresses herself and sits on the examination chair, waiting for the OB/GYN to arrive. The doctor introduces herself as Ms. Stevens, when she sits down in front of Serena.

„Ms. van der Woodsen, I can't possible imagine how you feel right this minute but I'm trying to make this as comfortable as it could be for you. I'm gonna checkif you have any injuries in your pelvic area, as well as your uterus and vaginal canal. We're also gonna do a PAP smear to check for STDs and take some blood to check for HIV. Is that okay with you?"

Serena nods absently but as soon as the doctor wants to start the examination, Serena starts crying and shivering, closing her legs, not wanting to be touched where _he_ touched her. Dr. Stevens carefully grips Serena's hand, trying to comfort her. Serena has always been a strong woman, a brave young lady. She wipes away her tears and pulls herself together as the doctor finally takes the PAP smear.

„Done. You can put your gown on again now and a nurse will take you back to your room," the doctor says throws her gloves in the trash „I'll come by later to inform you about the results."

Serena lets out a somewhat relieved „Thank you" and sits down in her wheelchair and is taken to her room soon after that. Blair is waiting for, as promised but they both are not in the mood of talking so they just sit there, Blair holding Serena's hand tightly as she's lost in her thoughts. A while later, Doctor Stevens comes by that Serena is free of injuries and STDs but would have to wait at least 6 months for the HIV test results.

* * *

Same day, later, Dan comes by to see Serena. When he sees her, not lying in bed but standing up trying to put on her clothes he asks gently: „What are you doing? You should be in bed."

She interrupts him, being out of breath: „Can you help me?"

When he doesn't move, she tries putting on her clothes again and almost collapses. He rushes by her side and catches her. „I'll do it, I'll do it." he says as he kneels down and carefully pulls up her leggins.

„I hate this gown..." Serena says as her eyes fill up with tears.

„Serena..." Dan breathes quietly as he moves up.

„I wanna go home," Serena says, now crying „Please... I don't wanna be in this hospital." she continues as she collapses in Dan's arms.

He strokes her back lightly, moving his fingers up to the ribbon of her hospital gown and loosens it. He pulls it off and glances away, not wanting to see her naked torso which is covered in bruises. Serena let's out a „Thank you" as Dan helps putting on her blouse, still not looking at her.

„Look at me.", she says. Dan intently looks at her, then smiles lightly.

„Thank you," Serena whispers. Her voice breaks but she continues „for loving me.", resting her on his side, now crying harder.

„Take me home."

He wraps his arm around her body, supporting her as she's still too weak to walk properly. They walk along the hospital corridor and sit down in the cab that's been waiting for them.

**a/n: here it is, chapter deux! I had difficulties writing it, especially the first part because it simply broke my heart. i hope you like it anyway! Please review and tell me what you think and if I should continue! xoxo**


	3. i will love you forever

It's been a week since Serena left the hospital and Blair's still the only one who knows her secret. It's eating her up alive so when Chuck wakes up one morning and sees her already awake, lost in thoughts, he tries to approach her as best as he can.

„Blair..." Chuck says in his usual concerned voice. „What's wrong?"

She tilts her head to the side and looks him in the eyes.

„Oh, nothing... everything is just.. fine.", she starts speaking.

„It's not,..." Chuck states „You're doing that weird thing with your eyes."

„Chuck stop staring at me" Blair punches him in the side.

„I won't stop until you tell me." he responds.

„I can't. I made a promise. I can't tell you, Chuck." Blair says.

Blair sighs with discomfort and gets out of bed and walks away, not wanting to accidentally say something she isn't supposed to.

**#**

Serena decides to get out of the apartment for a change. She needs some fresh air and someone else to talk to except for Dan. She knows he does it out of love but he's so over-protecting it makes her feel oppressed, so she decides to see if Blair has some time for her.

_*Blair? Wanna meet? - S*_

_*Sure. What did u have in mind? - Blair*_

_*How about that little café on E 72nd / 2nd street? In 20 minutes.? - S*_

_*Alright, c u then. - Blair*_

Serena puts on her trench coat and leaves the apartment, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply when steps out of the building. A little while later, Serena already sits on her favorite spot, sipping some hot chocolate when she sees her best friend arriving. Serena waves and Blair lets herselffall on the chair in front of Serena.

„Hey" Blair says as she grips Serena's hand. „How are you feeling?" she continues.

„You know... been better" she smiles weakly.

Blair smiles pitiful and regrets it the exact same moment.

„S... have you talked to Dan?" Blair asks carefully

Serena looks up and bravely looks at her.

„I haven't... I can't." Serena says „It'll break his heart. He won't be able to cope... I'm scared he'll never be able to _touch_ me again when I tell him. He'll never _want_ to touch me again because he's too scared he'll make me feel uncomfortable." Blair listens carefully as Serena continues. „_He_ won't be able to sleep at night because _he_ is too scared something will happen to me. I can't risk the lightness of our relationship. I can't risk losing him. I love him too much."

Blair has to surpress her tears considering the sincerity of what her best friend just said.

„But S... I can see how much it damages you. And not telling him... it will only make things harder eventually" Blair responds.

„I know but I don't know... I don't know what to do but he can't know. He will leave me... he can't leave me" Serena says fighting her tears.

Blair stands up and sits down next to her best friend comforting her as best as she can. She knows this is far from easy for her.

„He won't leave you, Serena..." Blair speaks up „It's Dan. And I don't mean that in a bad way. It's Dan and Dan would do basically anything for you. I know he loves you unconditionally and the love you two have, that's something a lot of people would want in their lives. He won't leave you..." Blair says as she pulls Serena in for a hug.

„Trust me" she breathes into her ear.

„Thank you for being there for me, Blair" Serena says smiling lightly, the first real smile in a long time.

They leave money on the table and leave the café together and head into different directions.

* * *

A while later, Serena gets a call from the police officer that's been dealing with her case. He lets her know that she's required to come to the office to identify theperson that mugged her. Considering Serena's state is still very unstable, Dan decides to go with her. Arriving at the police office, she struggles to go inside.

„I don't really wanna go inside" Serena whispers, hiding her face in Dan's shoulders.

Dan pulls her into a hug and then takes her face in both of his hands.

„Look at me...", Dan says „Serena look at me," he continues, pulling her chin up, now looking into her eyes.

„I know this is hard for you and I know you don't exactly wanna see the man who did this to you but I know you know that this needs to be done. That man needs to be punished" he says now wiping away a tear with his thumb.

„I know" Serena says quietly.

He takes her hand and grips it hard, trying to be brave for her. He knows this certainly can't be easy for Serena but he also knows seeing the man that did this to he person he cares most about will make him insanely angry. The police officer leads them to the room where the identity parade takes place. Dan and Serena are still holding hands and she slighty hides her body behind his. She feels embarrassed and can't even bring herself to look straight up in order to see the 5 men that are lined up behind the window. She turns around, now facing the window and starts sobbing. Heartbreaking sobs. Dan turns around and lays his arm around her waist.

„Serena..." he says slowly.

„Get me out of here, please... Please, Dan, get me out of here."

„Okay, okay. Shh. Okay" Dan says as he opens the door and leads her out.

„Let's just go home, okay? You don't need to do this right now" he tries to be as supportive as he can but he knows her way will inevitably lead her back here.

Serena nods and they get inside their car and drive home.

Later that evening they get ready for bed. Serena has been completely silent the rest of the day and she just wants to sleep … and forget. Serena lies in bed already as Dan lies down next to her. He moves slightly so he lies on his side as he reaches on arm out to stroke her cheek. She clinches and moves slighty away.

„Don't touch me..." she whispers „Just stay really close to me."

Dan falls back into his place and rests his arms beside his body. He exhales deeps and closes his eyes while Serena stays widely awake. Another sleepless night trapped in her own mind.

* * *

The next morning Dan runs into Nate at college. Dan is just headed home but he thinks it may be a good idea to talk to his best friend... to get recent happenings out of system.

„Hey man!" Nate says as they shake hands „What's up?"

„Nothing much, really." Dan answers.

„How are things at home u know, how's Serena?" Nate asks.

„I don't know, things are a little weird. It's really tense between us and frankly I don't even know how to help her other than being there for her." Dan says.

„I get you but don't you think she just needs time? I mean what happened to her was surely traumatizing... give her some time, cut her some slack." Nate says.

„Trust me, I am giving her time. But she is so distanced as well... I don't even know how to treat her at the moment. Last night I wasn't even allowed to touch her. I'm just afraid she won't recover from this... and I need her to recover from this. Seeing her like that... it breaks my heart. And I can't do anything about it." Dan answers while Nate is listening understanding.

„You guys always had a great relationship, you could talk about everything, maybe just talk to her? I'm sure she feels just like you." Nate tries to help but fails miserably.

„Dude, your advice sucks." Dan says as he laughs a little

„I'm sorry, man.." Nate responds „Anyway I gotta go to class now. Talk to you soon!" Nate continues as they shake hands again and Nate's headed to his next class while Dan is headed home.

* * *

When Serena is still at college, Blair decides to pay Dan a visit. She didn't call before because it would make her chicken out. She knows what she's about to do isn't right and she knows she made a promise but she also knows how much Serena is suffering and she couldn't take it one second longer. She nervously rings the doorbell and keeps pushing the button until someone opens the door.

„Blair!" Dan says with a surprised look on his face.

Blair rushes into the apartment and sits down on the couch as Dan says „I just wanted to ask you in anyway..."

„Dan..." Blair starts speaking. „I need you to hear me out without interrupting me" she continues.

„I made a promise... but I can't keep it. Because I know that keeping that promise is damaging Serena and it's eating her up alive..." Blair speaks up.

„What are you talking about?" Dan says confused.

„She was raped, Dan..." Blair says quietly „Serena was raped … And I know this is a lot to take in but you need to be strong for her. What she needs is someone to love her, someone who's gentle with her."

Dan nods understandingly, not being capable of anything more in that moment. What he just heard sounded like a nightmare, something he wishes he could make undone. Right in that second, his apartment makes him feel claustrophobic, he can't breathe or think properly and all he wants to do is to leave. He grabs his jacket and leaves the apartment, followed by Blair who takes a cab downstairs while Dan is headed to Central Park for a walk to clear his head.

* * *

Dan enters their apartment and sees Serena lying in bed, reading a book. When she hears him, she looks up and lets out a sigh of relief as well as a weak smile, which Dan doesn't return. He can't even bring himself to look at her. He comes closer, his facial expression is still the same when Serena is starting to look worried.

„You know!?" she says quietly.

When he doesn't answer, her eyes fill with tears and she has trouble breathing. He now looks her right in the eyes and moves close to her.

„I love you. I am in love you. I will love you forever. This doesn't change anything..." Dan starts speaking as he sits down next to her and pulls Serena a little closer to him.

„that man can not go free. You have to be able to sleep at night, you have to be able to breathe, to be yourself. He can not go free." he continues „I understand why you can'tidentify this man but he cannot go free."

He immediately stops talking as Serena puts her fingers on his lips then gently strokes his cheek. With a wordless exchange, they both know what to do know. Dan helps her up from their bed and waits for to get dressed. He calls a cab, then the officer, letting him know they're coming by as they drive back to the police office. Serena is way more confident this time, knowing Dan has her back. She walks into the small, dark room, keeping a serious face and bravely calls out „3. It's number 3."

**a/n okay, here we go, chapter 3. In my head it all sounded a little more dramatic and I'm sorry if this chapter disappoints you but I promise I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Pardos / Pardis/ DerenaTreeHill and Chris aka DedicatedToTwilight cause I felt like I owe them. You girls rock! :) Also, I think this story might end soon so don't stop reading just now! **


	4. entwined

It's been a couple of weeks since Serena identified the man that raped her and Dan has been really supportive ever since he found out what really happened to her. Serena's feeling a lot better and the physical damage of the incident has disappeared as well. Everything is going well and Serena is even back at work and college. But eventhough everything is going well, there's one thing that's slowing driving them apart. She hadn't let Dan touch her in a long time and although he says it can wait, she knows it's torturing him.

* * *

Blair invited Serena over for a girls only afternoon, trying to take her mind of off recent happenings. Serena's thankful, thankful for every kind of distraction she could get. She's finally starting to heal. They sit together on the couch in the penthouse, sipping coffee and talking about Louboutin's winter collection when Serena makes a confession.

'Dan and I tried to sleep together last night...' Serena says shyly, expecting a disgusted look from Blair but that doesn't happen.

Instead she looks her straight in the eyes and asks: 'And?'

'I started crying...' Serena says embarrassed. 'We kissed and it was fine but when he tried to _touch _me, I started crying,' she continues.

Blair listens patiently as to what Serena is telling her, knowing this is a big step for Serena.

'What if I'll never be able to … you know... sleep with him again? Ever?' Serena says desperately.

'He says he can do without but sooner or later he's gonna need some and then he'll leave me...' she says now crying 'I don't want him to leave me.'

_flashback_

They've talked about doing it. Serena was even the one to address it. It's not like sex is the most important aspect of their relationship, yet it is a pretty big one. And definitely one neither of them can live without forever. Dan was a little caught off guard when Serena told him she thinks she's ready to sleep with him again, so he wasn't really capable of anything more than an 'okay'. When they're both in bed, the mood is tense, even slightly awkward. Dan initiates which makes Serena feel a little bit of relief. When he kisses her, her body stiffens and he immediately withdraws himself from her. Serena starts shaking and a tear drops from her eye.

'I'm sorry' Serena whispers crying 'I'm so sorry' she continues as Dan lays down with his back facing her.

Serena watches him, then lies down next to him, her back facing his, crying herself to sleep. The sobs Dan is hearing break his heart. He's angry, sort of, but not really. He's angry that all of this happened to Serena. He's angry at himself for not being able to help her the slightest bit. He realizes, that what he just did, won't help Serena in any way so he lies down on his other side, now facing Serena's back. He cuddles up to her, his stomach now touching her back. He grips her hand and strokes it carefully.

'I'm sorry' he whispers in her ear 'I love you.' he continues before they both fall asleep.

* * *

_present_

'Nate you loser,' Dan calls out has he pots yet another ball on the pool table 'this is getting boring, I have no real competition.'

'Sorry broooo' Nate says leaning is pool stick to the wall.

'It's fine, I guess' Dan states 'no one can beat me and my superior pool skills, obviously' Dan continues laughing.

'Speaking of' Nate implies 'Have you talked to Serena?'

Dan groans and lays his pool stick on the table.

'I take that as a no?!' Nate says.

'Yeah well no, not really' Dan says as he looks down.

'Dude what is it, don't be such a girl' Nate says, scuffing Dan in the side.

Dan struggles to find the right words but then decides to just say it

'It's been 5 weeks. five. weeks. I have blue balls,... literally.'

Nate bursts into laughter 'Jesus Christ, I thought you were gonna tell me your grandma died, that was the kind of face you were pulling off anyway.' …

'Just give Serena some time' Nate continues now with a more serious face.

'Nate, that's not it. I'm not pressuring her into anything. I'll give her as much time as she needs. I'd still wanna spend the rest of my life with her even without the sex.' Dan answers.

Nate gives him a suspicious look.

Dan catches it and rambles on 'Yes I would. Although it'd be really hard. I love that girl more than anything. We can make it work... right?' Dan looks over to Nate 'Right?'

'Dude, of course. It's been only 5 weeks and I know you're feeling a lot of pressure _down there_ but things will work out eventually. You guys are mfeo' Nate says.

'Mfeo?' Dan questions Nate.

'Duh, made for each other.' Nate answers 'Don't judge me, I learnt it from Two And A Half Man. You should watch it' he says as he winks.

'I'll look into it' Dan laughs 'Anyways, I gotta go to class... This conversation turned out some kind of girly so let's pretend it never happened.' he continues.

They shake hands and Nate scuffs Dan's shoulder

'Goodbye Dan'

'Bye loser' Dan says as he points to the pool table then leaves the apartment.

* * *

Serena is at home cleaning the apartment when she hears the doorbell ringing. She drops the broom and walks over to the door to open it. She looks through the peep hole and sees a bunch of white lillies. She finally opens the door.

'Flowers for you, Ms. Van der Woodsen" says a well-fed man in his mid-forties as he hands the flowers over to her.

She takes them and as she wants to ask who they're from, the man already left. She turns around, closing the door with her foot and smells the lillies. She places them on the kitchen counter and opens the card that came with the flowers:

_/_

_Serena,_

_You always say that I'm a man of great words._

_But sometimes, sometimes there are no words_

_in the whole wide world to explain a certain thing._

_There are no words in the world that_

_could even begin to describe how I feel about you._

_There is absolutely nothing that would make me fall_

_out of love with you, absolutely nothing that would_

_make me leave you, ever._ _What I have with you, it's_

_something I would protect with my life. I'd rather give _

_up anything I love than lose you because you are what_

_I love the most. You are the love of my life._

_- Dan_

/

Serena closes the card as a feeling of joy and luck overcomes her. She closes her eyes and smells the flowers once again and then walks over to the CD player and puts on some music to continue cleaning the apartment.

_*I can be so negative sometimes; my own worst enemy sometimes... Even at my lowest low, __you still had hope._

_When I wanna quit, you won't let me; When I'm falling down, you gon' catch me; you pick me__up, yeah, you fix me up._

_Now I'm on my way and I'm strong enough to say: You gave me wings, and taught me to fly _

_when I was out there on my own; You gave me wings and brought me to life...*_

Serena sings along as she's on cloud 9.

* * *

When Dan comes home from classes, he finds Serena sitting on their couch browsing through VOGUE. When she sees him she drops the magazine, moves up and slowly makes her way over to him. She holds his face with both of her hands and kisses him gently. Her hands move down and grip his, slowly guiding him into their bedroom. When they stand in front of their bed, Dan sits down and pulls her onto the bed next to him. Serena let's him know without actually speaking. She's ready.

„Are you sure?", Dan whispers in her ear, hovering over her.

„I'm sure." Serena says smiling, now gently kissing him.

He runs his fingers along her side, stopping at her waist, slipping his thumb under her night shirt, touching her soft skin for the first time after weeks. It's electric, magnetic. Indescribable. He knows tonight is all about pleasuring Serena, making her feel as comfortable as possible. He gets rid of Serena's night gown in one swift motion as Serena starts unbuttoning Dan's shirt. He stripes down his jeans as she buries her head in his shoulder. They slowly lie down and Dan hovers over Serena. He kisses her gently but passionately as he runs his fingers down her sides, carefully stroking her bare skin. Serena can feel his tongue playing with hers which makes her loosen up a little as she's still very nervous and tense. Dan plays with the material of her black silk thong as she rests her hands on his chest while still kissing deeply. He runs his fingers up to her bra, gently touches her collarbone then pulls her up and unhooks her bra. They stop the kiss for a brief moment just to look at each other and when Serena smiles at Dan he kisses her again, slowly running his fingers over her back, making her shiver. She kisses his neck as he runs his fingers down and respectfully rests them on her thigh. He lies her down again and as he kisses her collarbone. She closes her eyes and moves her hand to his head, gently stroking through his hair. He starts kissing her breasts, taking his time, he sucks one nipple then the other which makes her moan quietly. He slowly wanders down with his kisses, kissing her stomach, licking her belly button then her right and left inner thigh which makes Serena arch her back and grab Dan's head again. He takes off her panties as Serena watches him intriguely. He carefully touches her most sensitive spot and smiles as Serena closes her eyes and bites her lip. She's finally able to let herself go which is a big step for either of them. Dan continues as he replaces his finger with his tongue. He holds her thighs to steady himself a little as he places kisses on her clit. He circles his tongue around her clit and hears Serena moaning as she arches her back again and grips his hair even tighter. Knowing he provides her with pleasure, he stops and looks up for a brief second to watch her face.

'Don't stop' Serena mumbles 'this is _so_ good' he hears her saying as she bites her lips again which turns Dan insanely on.

He moves up and hovers over her, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. Serena opens her mouth a little to let Dan's tongue slip in and play with hers. He runs his left hand down her side and rests it on her hip while his right hand pulls her golden locks out of her face gently strokes her cheek where he then places a kiss. He moves slighty up and Serena opens her legs as he very slowly and carefully slides into her. This feels like their first time. Dan didn't want to disappoint Serena back then and he sure as well doesn't want to now. Both simultaneously let out a moan as Dan starts moving in and out. He quickens his path and suddenly out of nowhere, Serena climaxes so intense, she scratches his back a little. Dan pushes faster as he knows he's close. Serena opens her eyes just to watch him, knowing too, that he's close. He puts all his energy into his pushes as he comes and collapses on top of Serena. He doesn't bother pulling out. Instead, their eyes are locked and Serena plays with his ear like she did after their first time. Dan comes a little closer and kisses her passionately one last time before eventually pulling out. Covered in sheets, Serena cuddles up to Dan and rests her head on his chest.

_It is a warm feeling when a girl is leaning her head against a guy's chest. It is not just about lust or anything. But, it is a way to comfort herself. There's a sense of security when you just feel the lovely curves in his chest. It's like listening to his heartbeat and feeling his breath beneath your hair. It's one of the best yet simple moments that you can cherish with the person that you love so much._

He strokes through her hair until they both fall asleep.

**a/n DONE! I hope this chapter made up for all the drama and heaviness of the last few chapters. I had a lot of fun writing this story but here it is. The last chapter. I intended this to be the last chapter... but I don't know. It feels kinda unfinished. What do you think? Leave it like that? Or continue?**

**Anyway, my thank yous go to Pardos and Christina who both have been so supportive. Thank you girls! :)**


	5. then came you

a/n** hey lovelies! so I decided to continue this story cause some of you said it felt unfinished and tbh, I felt the same so here it is, chapter 5. I know where this story is headed but if you have any questions or concerns, please let me know. Special thanks to Pardos, 'cause she helped me so much finding inspiration to continue this fic.**

* * *

The next morning Serena awakes to a loud noise coming from the kitchen. Her eyes search for Dan who isn't lying next to her so she decides to get up. She covers her naked body in the sheets and makes her way over to the kitchen. She leans against the door frame and watches Dan, who still hasn't noticed her, making pancakes. When he finally turns around, a huge smile creeps to his face, realizing how utterly in love he is with the person glancing at him. Serena returns the smile and steps closer to him, still holding the sheets.

„Why are you up so early?" Serena questions Dan.

„Good morning to you too" he pulls her closer, holds her in his arms and kisses her thoroughly.

He lets her go and Serena is not fast enough to take hold of the sheets and they fall down.

„_Daaaan_" she scolds him as she picks the sheets up and wraps them around her body again.

„I'm sorry... well not really. This isn't exactly a sight that I _loathe_..." Dan smirks at her.

Serena smirks back and Dan kisses her again.

„Anyway... sit down. Pancakes are ready and I have something to tell you." Dan points into the direction of their dining table.

They both walk over and let themselves sink into the chairs. Dan places a plate in front Serena and pinches her nose. Serena starts to eat as Dan watches her taking small mouthfuls.

„_Sooo_? Spill it!" Serena says.

„What would you think about a get away? … Just for a couple of days? " Dan asks her as Serena's eyes widen.

„Oh my gosh Dan, I'd love to... but it's a thursday, I have my internsh-"

„I called them, it's fine. You're off today and tomorrow. So what do you think?" Dan says

Serena jumps up and makes her way over to Dan.

„Have I told you that I love you?" Serena whispers in his ear as she sits on his lap and hugs him tightly.

„Once or twice." Dan kisses her earlobe. „Okay so.. I thought we'd leave by 12pm which gives you two hours to get showered and to pack. You think you can manage that?" Dan continues.

„2 hours? Oh lord have mercy." Serena panicks.

„You better get started right away" Dan pushes her off him and gives her a slap on the behind.

Halfway out the kitchen Serena turns around, realizing she forgot something.

„Dan?" she calls out.

„Yeah?" he answers.

„Where are we going anyway?" Serena questions him.

„That's a surprise. But I'll give you two little hints: One, I'm driving. And two, you won't need designer clothes. Pack comfy and warm clothing and sturdy shoes." Dan says.

„Sturdy shoes, are you kidding me? … I might have to go out and buy some before we leave then" Serena answers.

„Hurry up then" Dan smirks as he does the dishes.

* * *

Serena takes a quick shower. She steps out of the shower and stands in front of the bathroom mirror and examines herself. A disgusted look creeps to her face as she pinches the love handles that she thinks are ugly. She turns around and looks at herself from the side, stroking her stomach and lets out a sigh of discomfort. Serena is slim as ever but due to recent happenings she may have put on a couple of pounds. Dan didn't seem to mind it but Serena clearly does mind. She remembers the diet pills that Blair told her about. She took them before her wedding to Chuck. Serena quickly gets dressed and hollers to Dan on her way out.

„Dan, I'm out to get those shoes you want me to have. I'll be back in 30."

„Ok, babe. Take care. I love you." Dan hollers back but Serena already closed the door behind her.

She makes her way to the next pharmacy. Finally there, she goes up to the lady standing behind the counter.

„I need some diet pills. I think they're called Capsiplex" Serena says as quiet as she can.

Somehow this is embarrassing for her. She's not one of those girls who call themselves fat when they're clearly aren't but like every other girl Serena has insecurities and right now, her biggest insecurity is her body.

„Of course. Hold on." The woman answers and goes off searching for the package. She comes back, smiling friendly.

„Here you go. Instruction is inside. That makes $79,99 please." the woman says as Serena hands her her credit card.

The cashier swipes it through the machine.

„Goodbye." she says as she hands the card back to Serena.

„Bye, have a nice day." Serena answers as she leaves.

On her way home Serena quickly stops at some random shoe store and buys the next best sturdy shoes she can find, which is very out of character for her, and then makes her way back home.

* * *

„Hey baby, I'm back" Serena calls out, waiting for a response. When she doesn't get one she goes in to the kitchen only to find a note from Dan there.

_/_

_Hey love,_

_I'm getting the car._

_Please pack and don't pack too much._

_I'll pick you up at 12pm sharp._

_I love you_

_Dan_

_/_

Serena giggles a little thinking about how well Dan knows her.

Before she goes into their bedroom to pack her stuff, she takes out the pills from the package, quickly reads over the instructions and pours one down with a glass of water. Surprisingly, Serena manages to pack her stuff pretty fast. Being done with all the clothes, she goes to the bathroom to get her toiletries including _the pill_, her make up and stuff to shower because she's positive that that's the only thing Dan didn't think about. 5 minutes before Dan's set to pick her up, she waits outside of their apartment, literally twiddling thumbs because she's so excited to find out where he's gonna take her. Serena's jaw drops when she sees him arriving in Jeep Wrangler. That's totally not what she expected. He stops right next to her and waves her to get in. With the biggest smile on her face she gets in the passenger seat.

„Oh my god, Dan! I'm so excited." Serena says enthustiastic before kissing Dan lightly.

„I had a feeling you'd like this." Dan responds, stroking her cheek.

„Now _pleeeease_, tell me where we're headed to!" Serena asks impatiently.

„Ok but only because I love you so much." Dan says „We're going to some town near Boston. I rented us a cabin in the woods." Serena's eyes widen as Dan continues „The place is beautiful. It has a fire place and a whirpool. We could go hiking and stuff... Therefore I told you to get sturdy shoes. We can do whatever your heart desires."

„_Ahhhh_ oh my god, I'm so excited. What are we waiting for let's go" Serena squeals excitedly, clapping her hands.

Dan starts the engine and their roadtrip begins.

They arrive at about 8pm, 4 hours later then originally planned. Dan blames Serena and Serena blames Dan. But eventually they're just happy they're finally there. Dan parks the car in front of the cabin and unloads their baggage. Each carrying on piece of luggage, they walk into the cabin hand in hand. Serena feels homey the second they enter. She turns to Dan and kisses him passionately with her hands wrapped around his neck.

„The place is beautiful like you said. I love it." Serena tells Dan.

„Glad you like it" Dan responds.

Both being utterly spent from the drive, they lock the cabin, slip into something more comfortable and make their way to the bedroom.

They lie there, snuggled close the each other, almost falling asleep.

„Dan?" Serena whispers „Are you still awake?"

„Yeah. What's up doll?" Dan answer.

„I just wanted to say thank you. I really needed this." she whispers directly into his ear.

„I love you" Dan says as he wraps his arms around her slender waist and kisses her on the forhead.

„I love you, too" she responds. „Goodnight."

„Goodnight" Dan responds before they both fall fast asleep.

* * *

Serena's head is rested on Dan's chest, her arm is rested on his stomach when they both wake up. Serena wakes up before him and her eyes examine the room and check out the new environment before stopping and meeting Dan's gaze.

„Good morning, beautiful." he says quietly.

Serena snuggles up to Dan and kisses him lightly.

„Morning" she mutters back, smiling against his lips. „What are we gonna do today?"

„I was thinking maybe we could go for a hike after I showered then spend the rest of the day in the whirpool. How does that sound?" Dan suggests.

„Perfect" Serena answers him, rubbing her nose against his.

Dan gets up to grab a quick shower and Serena takes her pill and one of her diet pills before getting dressed for their little adventure.

When you meet Serena for the first time, you'd never take her for the girl who'd go hiking in the woods, let alone stay in a cabin in Narnia. Shiny blonde hair, legs to die for, fancy clothes and expensive shoes. That's the life of Serena van der Woodsen. But then came Dan Humphrey and all of those things didn't seem to matter that much anymore. Who thought Serena van der Woodsen would go hiking around in tramping boots, dressed down to the minimum, wearing waterproof clothing, hand in hand with Dan Humphrey … Lonely Boy? And who thought it would make her happier than anything else on this planet?

Dan and Serena spend hours in the woods, not talking much, just enjoying each other's company, the nature and being far away from the big city and all the noises. Just as they are about to get back to the cabin it starts to rain. Not drizzle but monsoon-like down pour. Serena literally clinges onto Dan and hides her face in his shoulders.

„If there's on thing on this planet that I _hate_, it's rain." Serena hollers

„Oh come on. You're not made out of sugar _and _you're wearing water resistant clothing." Dan gives her a peck on the cheek. „This can be fun" he says as he picks her up and swirls her around.

„LET ME DOWN" Serena screams „Dan, I am serious, let me down"

Dan grants her wish and lets her down a little clumsily as she lands on the soaked muddy ground with her butt and takes Dan down with her. The mud splashes in their faces and Serena gives Dan a death glare before they both burst out in laughter. Dan stands up and helps Serena up.

„We're all covered in mud" Serena states as the rain pours down on them.

„I don't care" Dan answers as he takes her face in both of his hands and kisses her over and over again.

They just stand there, kissing in the rain. It's the most cheesy scenery you'd see in your entire life but for Dan and Serena it's so much more than that. It's a hopeful kiss. Hopeful for the future. It's an intense kiss. Forgetting the past few weeks. It's a passionate kiss, showing how much in love they really are.

They're soaked and neither of them wants to get sick so they make their way back to the cabin.

„Dan it's freezing, can you light the fire, please?" Serena asks shivering.

„Of course, will do." Dan anwers and goes over to the fireplace and lightens the pieces of wood.

„How about we take a shower?" Dan smirks at Serena

Serena unzips her jacket, then unzips Dan's, then moves her face really close to his.

„I like that idea" she says as she takes his hand and leads them towards the bathroom.

Within seconds, their clothes are gone. They wash the mud off each other and fool around a little while when they're finally clean but just as Serena wants to go down on Dan, he stops her.

„I have something better in mind." Dan says as he leads Serena out of the shower stall.

He hands Serena a towel to dry herself as she looks confused, then dries himself with another towel. Dan takes Serena's hand and leads her out of bathroom into the living room. They walk towards the fire place. He sits down on the fake lambskin that's only a meter away from the fireplace and pulls Serena down to him. He undoes the knot from the towel that's covering her naked body and gently places kisses on her shoulder, then her neck. He stops for a second to get a duvet, then lets his towel drop, sits down again and lies Serena down with him slightly hovering over her. He pulls up the duvet and covers their bodies. He pulls Serena as close as possible and kisses her tenderly, then more passionately. When Serena wants to take him in her hand, she realizes he's already hardened. She smirks at Dan who moves his fingers down, trailing along her belly button and her stomach which makes Serena shiver. His finger circles around her clit and when she closes her eyes, he slowly inserts a finger and Serena pleads him to continue with a soft moan. When she thinks she's ready she makes Dan stop. She pulls him up to her and they just look into each other's eyes for a couple of seconds.

„Make love to me, Dan" Serena whispers in his ear very quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

He kisses her gently before they continue under the duvet.

The fire is crackling in the background and it's one of those perfect, romantic moments in life where nothing else but them matters.

Afterwards, Dan spoons Serena and they're slowly falling asleep in front of the fire place, being utterly exhausted from the hike.

* * *

The next morning, Dan wakes up but Serena is not lying next to him. He looks around and finds her on the couch. He stands up he notices his back is aching like hell, probably from spending the night on the floor. Nonetheless, he walks over to Serena, picks her up, brings her to the bedroom and lies her down. He covers her with the duvet and walks off to have a shower. Done showering, he goes over to the wash basin and looks for his razor in one of the drawers. Instead he finds a pill package with _Capsiplex _printed on it. He looks suprised when he reads those pills help to lose weight. They aren't his so they have to be Serena's. He worries that he might have given her the impression that he is not content with her body anymore. Dan always loved Serena's body _because of_ her curves. He decides to confront her at breakfast.

When they're sitting at the table, Dan decides to approach it the direct way.

„Serena?" Dan calls out.

„Yeah baby, what's wrong?" Serena asks as she gently smiles at him.

„Nothing, nothing." Dan smiles „It's just... did I give you the impression that you need to lose weight for _me_?" he continues as he looks Serena directly into the eyes.

Serena looks at him confused but gets the hint eventually.

„You found the pills?!" she asks, now looking down.

„Yeah." Dan says as he gets up, walks over to her and kneels in front of her. He takes both her hands in his and kisses them. „Look Serena, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'm so much in love with you … and your body" Dan smirks „You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to change anything about it. I lo-" he stops when he sees a tear dropping from Serena's eye.

„Why are you crying, baby?" he speaks again.

„I can't believe you still want to be with me after all that's happened in the last few months." Serena says wiping the tears away. „You're the love of my life Dan... I just wanna be perfect for you" she continues.

„You _are_ perfect for me. I love you so much." he says, now pulling her up.

„Wait here!" Serena says smirking at Dan.

She walks into the bathroom and comes back with her diet pills.

„Guess I don't need these anymore" she says as she throws the pills into the trash.

„Guess you don't" Dan whispers in her ear as he hugs her from the behind and gently kisses her cheek.

„You're beautiful" he whispers in her ear and then releases her from the hug.

Serena turns around and kisses him cutely. „So are you" Serena says grinning cheekily.

„Very manly adjective to describe me" Dan laughs „Anyway, so what do you wanna do today?" Dan asks her.

„Sauna and whirpool? As we didn't get to try it out last night?" Serena pouts cutely.

„Whirpool it is" Dan answers.


	6. all I ever wanted

**a/n: **I know I haven't updated in like 5 months and I am very sorry but I've just moved to America and it's been insanely busy. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go with this story but I hope you like it nonetheless. This is a semi-short chapter just for me to get back into writing. Let me know how you like it. :)

* * *

„No" Serena whispers as she slides down the bathroom wall with her back.

„No, no, no" she says quietly as a tear escapes her eyes. She stares down at the stick she's holding in both her hands. She wipes the tear away then shakes her head and starts crying even harder. She looks back down at the stick. Two stripes. Two goddamn stripes, she thinks. Pregnant. She feels like her world is falling apart. How is she going to tell Dan? How is going to react? Is he going to leave her? And how did this happen in the first place?

Serena has been on the pill since she was 15 years old. It was the only thing she was really responsible about. She had to be; she slept around alot in her teenage years. Now she feels like she has settled but still always managed to take her pill on time.

_Breathe, Serena, breathe..._ she thinks to herself, maybe the test is wrong. It has _hashashas _to be wrong_. _It _is _wrong. She's convinced it is wrong.

* * *

She decides to go call her gynecologist, just to be sure. She needed to know after all.

„Congratulations, Miss van der Woodsen, you are pregnant" her doctor says as he points at the little screen with the ultrasound on „About 12 weeks" he continues.

„Did you stop taking the pill?" he asks her as she covers her eyes with both her hands. She takes a deep breath to keep herself from crying again.

_This cannot be happing._

„No" Serena says absently.

„No?" her doctor repeats.

„No. I've been taking it everyday. I don't know how this possibly could have happened" she nows says with a stronger voice.

Serena is beyond scared. A baby... _now_? She sure always wanted to have babies. She always wanted to have a baby with Dan. But _now_?

Now that things have gotten so good since the rape... They have really moved past it but Serena wasn't sure if they were both ready for a baby yet. _How_ was she supposed to tell Dan?

„Well, Miss van der Woodsen, I'm going to run some tests then, to find out why this has happened."

„Mhm-hm" Serena just nods and continues to go behind the curtains to dress herself again.

_What now?_

She's pregnant. With Dan's baby. It's a dream come true. But on the other hand, it's also a nightmare. She didn't know how Dan was going to react. How was she going to tell him in the first place?

* * *

She strolls along the Upper East Side with mixed feelings. She doesn't know whether to be happy or sad.

She finds herself at her mothers apartment, walks in and greets Vanya with a weak smile.

She stumbles out of the elevator and finds herself in her Mom's living room.

„Mom" she hollers the minute she walks out of the elvevator „Mom, are you here?"

„Why yes Serena darling. No need to holler." Serena hears her mother saying from the living room.

When Lily sees her daughters red and puffy eyes, she immediately stands up and goes up to Serena.

„What's wrong sweetheart?" Lily asks „What happened?"

„I'm pregnant, Mom" Serena says now bursting into tears.

„Oh dear..." Lily says as she tightens her arms around her daughter.

Lily yanks Serena over to the sofa and makes her sit down.

„How did this happen, Serena?" Lily asks.

„I don't know. I've never forgotten to take the pill so I really don't know. I have to go back to the doctor's office tomorrow and get the test results." Serena says, looking down. „I'm so scared to tell Dan."

„How are you feeling?" Lily says, now grabbing Serena's hand.

„I'm confused as to how this happened... I don't know whether to be happy or sad" Serena answers „This is all I ever wanted, it's just not how I wanted it to happen, I guess." she continues as Lily listens patiently „Dan and I have been through so much in last couple of months, I'm just not sure if we're ready to be parents yet."

Lily is sort of speechless and just hugs her daughter. Lilian van der Woodsen is speechless, for once.

„Anyway Mom, can I crash here tonight? I can't go home right now. I need to think and clear my head" Serena asks.

„Of course Darling, this is your home after all."

Lying in bed in her old bedroom, a lot of memories pop into her head. The first time Dan and her slept next to each other in this bed, the first time they _slept_ together in this bed... Most of the memories of this room are associated with Dan. She refuses to believe, that just because she's pregnant, all these memories wouldn't count anymore. _They always will._

_She texts Dan and lets him know where she is._

_*__Hey! I'm crashing at my mom's today, she's not feeling well. See you tomorrow, when you get home after college. Love, Serena.__*_

_*Oh no, do you wanna talk about it? Are you alright? I love you*_

_*Tomorrow. I love you too. - S*_

That night, Serena falls asleep with her hands resting on her bare stomach.

* * *

The next morning Serena rushes back to the doctor's office. She's a little queasy and doesn't know whether it's the nervous or actual morning sickness.

When her name gets called, she goes into the doctor's office and sits down in front of him.

„How are you feeling today, Miss van der Woodsen?" her doctor asks her.

„Okay, just a little sick" Serena answers, playing with her fingers.

„There's nothing to worry about, that's normal for a pregnant woman in the first trimester" the doctor smiles and Serena smiles back weakly. „As you know, we ran some test yesterday and I just found out what got you pregnant in the first place." he continues and Serena lifts her head.

„We found some toxins in your blood that makes the pill ineffective. Those toxins are mostly found in diet pills these days."

„Oh shoot" Serena says, thinking back to their vacation.

„_Y__ou are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I'm so much in love with you … and your body" „You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to change anything about it."_… their vacation... that what 3 months ago...

„Yes. I've been taking diet pills... but only for like 3 days" she finally says. _now it's my fault; Dan will blame me; no nonono_

„It seems as if those caused the ineffectiveness of the pill" her doctor tells her.

„Oh okay" Serena says absently.

„Miss van der Woodsen, here's your ultrasound screenshot from yesterday" Serena's doctor tries to get back her attention „That over here, _that_, is _your_ baby."

Serena takes the picture in her hands and starts to cry. _Her_ baby. _Their_ baby.

„Thank you" she says as she leaves.

* * *

When Dan hears a key in the lock, he jumps up from the couch, knowing it's Serena. As soon as she enters their apartment, he showers her with kisses.

„I missed you" he says as he plants a kiss on her smooth lips.

„I missed you more" she replies as she hugs him.

He examines her face. Her hair looks ruffled up, her eye lids heavy. She has been crying. _Why was she crying?_ _Because of her mother?_

He decides to take it easy.

„How's your mom doing?" he asks.

„My mom's fine..." Serena says as she tears up „Actually, there is something I have to show you." she says shaking, as she reaches into the back pocket of her jeans.

„What? Why? I thought she wasn't doin we-" Dan turns speechless the second he sees the picture.

„Is that?" he looks her straight in the eyes.

„Yes" Serena answers barely audible.

„Are you... ?" he asks again.

_WHAT?_

„Yes. 12 weeks along" Serena says.


	7. until the end

'You're pregnant?' Dan asks more inquisitively this time as tears run down Serena's face. She was so scared to tell Dan, so scared this would change things.

'Oh my gosh, Serena, that is amazing' he continues as he pulls her in for a hug. Serena immediately stops crying and pulls out of his embrace and gives him a dazzled look.

'Wait...' Serena gives him puppy dog eyes 'You're happy about this?'

'Of course I am' he says as he places a tender kiss on her lips, then catches one of her tears with his mouth 'I know this may not be the best time to get a child but this is what we wanted at some point anyway, right?

'Right' Serena answers, not sounding really convinced, as she rests her head on his shoulders.

He pushes her gently away from him so she's facing him again

'Serena... I know this is scary but we can manage this, we _will_ manage this. As long as we have each other everything is going to be fine' he tells her.

'I know' she whispers, barely audible. 'I was just so scared to tell you... I don't know. I _am _happy. I want nothing more than founding a family with you...' she continues.

'It'll all be fine' Dan says, stroking through her hair.

'I guess we have to plan a dinner to announce then' Serena smirks at him.

'Yeah you do that and I'll start inviting people' Dan whole-heartidly laughs.

* * *

The dinner was supposed to take place two days later and Serena begged her mom, who was more than excited of the idea of a grand-child by now, to keep quiet and not blabber their secret out.

By the time saturday night has come, Serena was freaking out.

What would Blair think? And Eric? Hell, even Jenny?

Dan and Serena had decided before-hand that they wouldn't tell them until after dinner so Dan's home-cooked meal wouldn't go to waste at least.

Everybody was on time. Even Nate, which was very rare. Dan and Serena don't have the biggest dinner table so at the end it was Dan and Serena sitting next to each other at the one end of the table, Chuck and Blair at the other and on the sides Rufus, Jenny and Nate + Lily and Eric.

Blair thought the whole thing was fishy from the beginning on so right after dessert, she stared at Serena who immediately caught her glimpse.

'What?' Serena asks with everyone looking at either her or Blair.

'Don't you think you should finally tell us and not be so secretive?' Blair suggests.

'I have no idea what you're talking about, Blair' Serena tries to keep her face neutral.

'Oh come one Serena. We all know you guys are not the biggest fans of gatherings like this and would never throw a dinner if it wasn't _really_ important.'

Everybody starts to laugh while Dan turn beetroot red, remembering that time when Dan and Serena sneaked out from a dinner like that to have sex and got caught by Eric who was wondering where the two were.

'Ok shush everyone ' Serena hollers 'You're right. We _do_ have something to tell you.' she continues as she takes a deep breath with everyone's eyes glued to her and Dan.

'I'm pregnant' she proudly announces after Dan put his arms around her back with his fingers resting on her hips and Serena awaiting a reaction.

She is immediately relieved when Blair and Chuck give her a reassuring smile, Jenny and Rufus give their thumbs up and Eric does some sort of dance of joy while Lily just laughs at the silliness of her son. Nate gets up and hugs her and shakes hands with Dan.

She is happy that everyone is happy for her, for them.

As the guests make their way out of the apartment, Dan starts to clean up and Blair stops by Serena.

'You're gonna be an amazing Mom, Serena' Blair hugs her best friend tightly 'I'm so happy for you.'

'Thanks B, I love you' Serena says.

'You too. Buhbaaaai' Blair pouts cutely as she exits the door.

Dan hears that and suprises Serena, hugging her from behind and kissing the nape of her neck gently.

'See, you're gonna be a great Mom' he whispers in her ear 'even Blair thinks so' he continues.

Serena turns around, takes his face in both of her hands and kisses him. Gentle at first, then more passionate. He scoops her up and carries her to the couch where he softly places her. He moves on top of her and kisses her until she can't think straight anymore.

* * *

Serena is lucky she's having an easy pregnancy so far. No morning sickness, no mood swings, normal sexdrive and no weird food cravings.

Dan is so excited about the baby, he talks to Serena's belly 3 times a day. Serena has an ultra sound scheduled for today, her second one and the first one Dan is actually coming with her so they're both very excited. She's 20 weeks pregnant by now. They walk up into the examination room hand in hand and just smile at each other without saying much until the doctor comes.

'Hi Ms. van der Woodsen, good to see you again' the doctor says as the two shake hands.

'And you are?' the doctor says as she points at Dan.

'That's my boyfriend and the baby's daddy, Dan Humphrey' Serena talks for Dan while giving him a reassuring smile.

'Nice to meet you Mr. Humphrey, ready to see your baby?' the doctor asks as Dan excitedly shakes his head yes.

The doctor prepares everything and within seconds Dan can hear his baby's heartbeat and an actual tear comes from his eye. He can't even believe his luck. Serena doesn't know where to look, Dan or her baby.

'Do you guys want to find out the sex of the baby?' the doctor asks as she zooms in and out of the ultrasound.

Serena and Dan look at each other real quick and then holler out a cute „Yes" in unison.

'So see this' the doctor points at the ultra sound 'There's no little hump here so that lets me assume it's -'

'A GIRL' Serena screams excitedly 'Oh my gosh, Dan, it's a girl'

Serena is so excited she jumps off the examination chair and gives Dan a long hug whereas Dan is just sitting there speechless and utterly stunned by what just happened.

'Congratulations you two, I'll give you guys a minute' the doctor says as she leaves the room.

'We're gonna have a baby girl, that is amazing' Dan finally finds some words.

'I know, I know, I'm so excited' she says as she kisses him sweetly.

* * *

Back at home, Serena turns suspiciously quiet and Dan can feel that something is wrong and just as he's about to ask her, she has a full-fledged panic attack.

'I can't do this, I cannot be a Mom, I'm only 23, I'm not ready, I can't do this. _We_ can't do this. No' Serena starts yelling and is so in rage she doesn't see that Dan is smiling at her.

'We're way too young to be parents, we can't do th-'

'Serena, will you marry me?'

'What?' she turns awfully pale.

'Will you marry me?' he asks her again, now searching for her hands to hold.

She stares at him for a little more before a bright smile hits her face.

'You're right, as long as we're together, we can do anything' Serena says

'So yes, of course I will' she continues before they kiss slowly.

* * *

When Dan and Serena were teenagers, they had always planned their wedding to be a simple and intimate ceremony, not many guests, only the most important ones. Blair of course, as the maid of honor, Nate as Dan's best man, Chuck, Jenny, Rufus, Lily and Eric. They didn't need a pompous setting, it wasn't about that, it was about _them_. That's what they wanted, that's what they got.

Lily who had always had fun planning weddings was a little sad that her own daughters wasn't gonna be prestige as she wanted it to be and that there was no actual time for planning, so she did the best she could to throw a nice wedding together in less than a week.

A beautiful day in mid-May, where Serena's baby bump was already there but not so big she couldn't wear a fancy dress, everybody gathered at the Hampton beach, where Dan and Serena once watched the fireworks and watched them get married.

The guests stand up as Serena walks down the aisle in a beautiful, flowing white dress, holding pink lilies, her hair flowing in the wind, bare-footed.

Dan looks at her from the far and tears up. He's as proud as a soon-to-be husband can be.

When Eric gives Serena away, Dan and Serena take a moment just to smile at each other before the reverend starts.

'_Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in the sight of God and this company, to witness and celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the union of_

Daniel Randolph Humphrey and Serena Celia van der Woodsen.

_Serena and Dan, marriage is an institution ordained of God, and it is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly, but reverently, deliberately, and only after much consideration, for in coming together in marriage you are committing yourselves exclusively, the one to the other, for as long as you both shall live._

_Knowing this, I ask of you this question:_

_Do you Dan, choose to marry Serena on this day; to speak the words that will join you with her as your wife, for all the days of your life? If so, please answer: I DO'_

"I do" Dan says, gripping Serena's hand tighter.

_'Do you Serena, choose to marry Dan on this day; to speak the words that will join you with him as your husband, for all the days of your life? If so, please answer: I DO'_

"I do" Serena says as she tears up.

_'Then, if you would, please turn to face one another and join hands as you each take your marital vows:'_

Dan starts while everyone else's eyes are glued to him.

„Only once in your life, I truly believe, you will find someone who can completely turn your world around. It wasn't that long ago when I laid eyes on that special someone. That special someone that was you. October 8th 2005 was probably one of the greatest days of my life. The day I fell completely, head over heels, in love with you. It only took you to smile at me and say those two sentences to me to turn my world completely around and to make me feel something, I've never felt in my life before. From that day on, every single moment we spent together, is a memory that I'll never forget. Our first date, our first kiss, even our first break-up is something I will cherish forever because in the end, it made us wiser, stronger and made us realize that we are the ones that belong together. I truly believe that you are the love of my life, you are the first person I ever loved and you will be the last one. No matter what happened in the past,… ahead of us is the future, a future that I want to spend with you. I can't wait to found a family with you, to see our first child grow up and to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the most beautiful, sweet, selfless, genuine person I've ever met. I take you to be my best friend, my faitful partner and my one true love. I promise to encourage you and inspire you and to love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together. You're the one person I always wanted, the person that I was scared to lose forever, but in the end, something always brought us back together. Serena, with all my love, I take you to be my wife. I will love you through good and the bad, through the joy and the sorrow. I will try to be understanding, and to trust in you completely. Together we will face all of life's experiences and share one another's dreams and goals. I promise I will be your equal partner in an loving, honest relationship, for as long as we both shall live."

Serena fights her tears and eventually manages to before she starts with her vows to Dan.

„True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on. We've been through so much together. And with 'much' I mean more than normal couples go through. I'm a person that has her up's and down's, probably someone that isn't easy to handle and most people I let into my life, leave it sooner or later. But there's always been you. Despite what everyone was saying, you were the only one that always believed in me, the only one that always stayed by my side, no matter what happened. And we've both hurt eachother in the past, but at the end of the day, you're still the love of my life, the one person I've always loved and always will love. The day I first met you, where I actually remember it, was just a day after I returned home from boarding school to have a fresh start here once again. And you didn't leave my mind since that day. You've been so different to all the snobby Upper East Siders I know, you've been funny and sweet and you were so shy at first, it was cute. You made me fall in love with you immediately. You're my first love and my last love. No matter how many boyfriends I had, no one was ever able to replace you. There wasn't a day where I didn't dream of our Reunion in Summer 2008 and not a day where I didn't think about our special Christmas Night. You were the first guy that really made me feel special and I love you so terribly much. Back then I said that you and I were forever, because it really felt like that and I know I was right, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here with you today. 'I love you' means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you - just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down - not just when you're fun to be with. 'I love you' means that I know your deepest secrets and to not judge you for them - asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me. Dan, I promise to love and care for you and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love. I will always be honest with you, patient, and forgiving. But most of all, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. And I believe you're gonna be an amazing daddy to our little girl. I love you."

Lily is actually sobbing when Serena is done with her vows and even Blair has to keep it together.

The reverend finally continues a couple of minutes later.

'_Beginning with you, Dan:_

_Do you, Daniel Randolph Humphrey, take Serena Celia van der Woodsen, to be your lawfully wedded wife; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, or for poorer, in sickness, and in health? With respect for her integrity and faith in your union, do you promise to unfailingly seek out the best you can in her, loving her every day, in every way, until the end of your forever? If so, please answer: I DO.'_

"I do" he says, smiling cutely at her.

_'And now you, Serena:_

_Do you, Serena Celia van der Woodsen, take Daniel Humphrey, to be your lawfully wedded husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, or for poorer, in sickness, and in health? With respect for his integrity and faith in your union, do you promise to unfailingly seek out the best you can in him, loving him every day, in every way, until the end of your forever? If so, please answer: I DO.'_

"I do" Serena says adoringly, shaking with her voice though.

Everybody starts clapping before they realize it's not quite over.

_'The wedding ring is the outward sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying to all the union of this man and this woman in holy matrimony. It was Saint Augustine who said, "The nature of God is like a circle whose center is everywhere and circumference is nowhere." May the rings that you hold symbolize the nature of God in your lives, and as often as either of you see them, may you be reminded of this moment and the endless love you have promised.'_

The rings - classic gold, simple, yet so precious. On the inside it says **Dan & Serena - October 8th 2005.**

_Dan, as you present Serena with her wedding ring and pledge your love and your life to her, will you please repeat after me:_

_Serena, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. With all that I am, and all that I have, I promise to love and honor you always. With this ring, I thee wed. _

_Serena as you present Dan with his wedding ring and pledge your love and your life to him, will you please repeat after me:_

_Dan, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. With all that I am, and all that I have, I promise to love and honor you always. With this ring, I thee wed.'_

They both repeat after the reverend and now are just smiling at each other. They turn back to the reverend one last time for the moment everyone has been waiting for.

_Dan and Serena, in as much as you have consented to be joined together in the holy state of matrimony, and having pledged and sealed your vows by the giving and receiving of rings in the presence of both God and this company, it is with great pleasure that I now pronounce you husband and wife. What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder._

_Congratulations! You may kiss the bride.'_

Dan doesn't need to be told twice, he gently swoops her over and kisses her gently but passionately as the guests raise up and start clapping once again.

_'It is with great joy and honor that I now present to you_

_Mr. and Mrs. Serena and Dan Humphrey!'_

They walk down the aisle together, hand in hand of course and every one joins them for a beautiful wedding dinner.

Instead of a steamy wedding night, Dan and Serena count their blessings and cuddle up together on the while Dan gently rubs her belly and talks to her belly.

'I'm thinking Madeline... Or Maddie' Serena says and Dan immediately realizes what she's talking about.

'I think that's a beautiful name' Dan smiles at her.

* * *

**a/n: Yep, I finally updated. I believe many of you wanted to see drama in this SL but that's really not my kinda thing, I'm all for fluff and romance so I hope you enjoy it anyway. Many, MANY, thanks to Anca for writing the vows for me 5 months ago. I know a lot happened in this chapter and it's going to go on like that because I don't really want to drag this story out any longer. As always, let me know what you think. xx**

**ps: I wanted to name the baby 'Baya' so badly (because of the fic 'Have you ever?') and for me it's just Derena's baby's name but I wasn't gonna steal so I hope you like Maddie too :) **


	8. holding a heart

**5 months**

Olives and whipped cream; strawberries and cucumber; vanilla ice cream on top of eggs... those are just some of the weird pregnancy cravings Serena had when she was 5 months pregnant. And all of that on top of morning sickness and general queasiness throughout the day. Serena was unbearable in her 5th month. Mood swings, grumpiness. Dan always had lots of patience with her... he had to after all because we're talking about Serena. She can go from 0 to 100 in less than a second. But he wouldn't want it any other way. She was the love of his life after all. So day in and day out, he kept up with her, not loving her any less.

* * *

**6 months**

In her 6th month, Serena had that amazing pregnancy glow. Everybody looked at her, everybody wanted to be her. Her golden locks were going with the wind as she strolled down 5th avenue in her maxi dress, hand in hand with Dan. Summer always looked good on her. People could tell she's happy she's pregnant; her lips are formed into a bright smile. You'd say a pregnant belly is the best accessoire a woman can have but if you asked Serena, she would say it's Dan. When Dan and Serena feel their baby kicking for the first time, they think they have reached the peaks of their lives. Dan showers Serena's belly in kisses everyday, makes up little stories for their baby girl – he's a writer after all.

Serena is happy, _so_ happy that in less than 3 months, they're going to be a real family.

* * *

**7 months**

Serena is getting tired of being pregnant. She's starting to dislike her pregnant body more and more. She complains about her thighs, her butt and her upper arms. Dan telling her she looks more gorgeous than ever puts her at ease – kind of. He's got the magic touch with her. Always had, always will. No one made Serena happier, no one made Serena sadder - than Dan. It's true, they both know it but that's what makes them so good together. Serena is good about prenatal check ups but not so much about birthing classes. So 7 months into her pregnancy, they decide it probably wouldn't hurt to go to a birth-preparing class. The instructor asks why they didn't come earlier. Dan blames Serena and Serena blames Dan. Since they're the goofiest couple alive, they get thrown out of the class – well who saw that coming. So much for the birthing class then. Things just don't ever go the normal way with Dan and Serena.

* * *

**8 months**

_One more month, you can do it Serena, you can do it..._

Is what Serena thinks on a daily basis now. Dan probably too because Serena's whining is unbearable right now. But he vowed to love her in good and in bad times – or something like that anyway. The time up to her due date goes by excruciatingly slow for both of them. It's a mix of anticipation, salvation and excitement; neither Serena nor Dan can wait for this pregnancy to finally be over. They – or more like Dan getting bossed around by Serena – are getting the room for their baby girl read. Pink walls; of course. White crib and changing unit. A butterfly rug on the wooden floor. Cute little ornaments all around the room. It looks playful but classy, still. Perfect mixture for the child of Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodsen (Humphrey).

Both are happy once the work is done and they sit down on the couch where Dan gives Serena a foot rub. He's exhausted but he wouldn't want it any other way.

* * *

**9 months**

Serena was due a week ago. Of course the new baby Humphrey was gonna be fashionably late.

The doctors gave it a 2 week buffer before and after the due date, so neither Dan nor Serena were overly worried.

Serena is just getting up from the couch as Dan hears her screaming.

'Daaaaaaaan!'

'What, what?' Dan hollers worried as he rushes to see her.

'I think my water just broke,' Serena says as she points downwards smiling lighty.

Dan comes closer to her and kisses her lightly.

'I'll grab the bag and call your Mom' he says, giving her a hug.

'Dan, I'm so excited we finally get to see her' Serena says excitedly.

'Me too' Dan answers.

Dan calls a cab and about 20 minutes laters they arrive at Lennox Hill Hospital.

Dan gets a wheelchair for Serena and helps her to get to the reception.

'Hi, my name's Serena Humphrey' Serena tells the receptionist 'I have a birthing suite reserved … my water just broke like 30 minutes ago' she continues.

The receptionist smiles at Serena and calls a nurse to lead Serena and Dan to the birthing suite where they get unpacked and settled.

A couple of minutes later the doctor comes in to check on Serena.

'Ok Serena, you are 7 centimeters dialated and you have contractions about every 10 minutes. I think we're looking at another 1-2 hours here' the doctor lets her know. 'Would you like to have a PDA?' the doctor asks.

Serena has a _very _low pain tolerance so she's relieved a PDA is still an option.

'Yes, yes, please' Serena answer and Dan gives her a reassuring smile.

'You're gonna have to put your robe on and then I'll come back in 5 minutes and we'll get started' the doctor says.

Dan helps Serena off the bed and taking off her clothes and gently slips the robe over her.

'Dan... I'm scared' Serena says weakly.

'I know. But you're gonna be fine. In two hours we get to see our baby girl' Dan says as he cutely rubs her back and helps her back in bed.

Serena grips his hand tightly and squeals as the doctor gives her the PDA. Dan almost faints of the sight of someone putting a huge needle in Serena back.

Once it's done Dan kisses Serena's forehead and strokes through her hair.

'Good job, doll' Dan exclaims when his phone vibrates. Lily is calling.

Serena glances down at the phone screen.

'Go, I'm gonna be fine. I'm pretty sure they're gonna get you if something happens' Serena pouts cutely at him.

When Dan walks out of the room, he first sees Lily. Then Eric, then Blair, Chuck, Nate, Jenny and Rufus.

'Oh my gosh you guys, you shouldn't have come. This may take a little while longer' he says as he hugs each of them.

'We wouldn't miss the birth of the first born baby Humphrey for the world' Blair says excitedly 'How is she doing?' she asks.

'She just got a PDA to control the pain but we're looking at at least one more hour. But she's in good spirits and excited to see the baby' Dan answers.

Lily lets out a relieved aww, still doubting she's strong enough to handle a birth.

A nurse comes rushing by just as Blair and Dan want to go check on Serena.

'Mister Humphrey?' the nurse calls him out 'It's time.'

Dan says a quick 'bye' to everyone and runs to Serena room.

Her forehead is covered in sweat and she looks so vulnerable as Dan rushed to her side to hold her hand.

Everything happens so fast.

The doctor comes in, the nurses set her legs up and the next thing Serena hears is 'push!'

They say when you're dying your whole life flashes in front of your eyes.

That's what's happening to Serena right now. And it's more like important moments that have coined her and Dan's relationship.

The first time they saw each other. Their first date. Their first kiss. The first time they slept together. The first time they _slept_ together. Their first break up. The time when they got back together for good. The moment when she found out she was pregnant. The time he proposed. The moment when they exchanged 'I do's' and now _this_ moment … the moment where their daughter is being born.

'1, 2, 3... push!' the doctor says.

_push_

'Again!' Serena shuts her eyes tightly.

_push_

'One more time' Dan grips her hand even tighter.

_push_

'Okay I can see the head, one last time Serena and get to hold your baby.'

_push_

A strong screaming fills the room with noise. The doctor immediately puts the baby on Serena's chest when a tears rolls down her cheek. She gently puts her arms around the baby not wanting to break it. Dan just stares at his little family and softly touches the baby's hand then kisses Serena.

'Now that looks like a strong baby girl. Would you like to cut the umbilical cord before we take her to get checked out?' the nurse asks Dan as she hands him a pair of medical scissors.

'Before we take her, we need to know a name for the little sweetheart' the nurse says, picking up the baby.

Dan and Serena look at each other, smiling.

'Madeline Autumn Humphrey' Serena says proudly as Dan kisses her cutely.

'What a beautiful name' the nurse smiles at them.

When the nurse brings Maddie back, she's dressed in a cute, pink little onesie and places her in Serena's arms. Serena kisses her forehead then hands her over to Dan who didn't get to hold her yet. He looks down at his daughter and literally is the happiest person alive. He looks at her dark brown hair, then looks at Serena, who's smiling adoringly at him, then looks back at Maddie who's just opening her eyes.

'Oh my gosh Serena, look!' Dan says excitedly 'She has your eyes' he says as he gently turns Maddie around to give Serena a glimpse.

'She will make the boys die at some point. Good thing, she'll have a daddy to protect her forever' Serena says thinking about her own dad who never cared much about her.

They hear a silent knock on the door and see Lily's face in the door frame, looking like a mother duck, followed by her ducklings, Eric, Blair, Chuck, Nate, Jenny and Rufus.

'May I introduce you' Dan says 'Madeline Autumn Humphrey' Dan finally continues.

Everyone aww's and ooh's and baby Maddie is handed over from person to person. Last person to hold her is Eric and Serena could swear she has never seen him smiling that bright in her entire life.

'I promise you, I'm gonna be the best uncle you'll ever have' he smiles at her.

'Hey we'll need to have a serious talk about that Eric' Chuck intervenes and smirks at him with his typical Chuck Bass smirk.

'Either way you guys, I'll be the best god mother and Maddie will like me the most anyway, so don't you worry' Blair punches Chuck in the side as she holds Maddie's little hand.

Once everyone has left, Dan cuddles up next to Serena in her hospital bed, with Maddie sleeping on his chest and Serena dozing off next to him.

He looks at Maddie's little wristband saying: Madeline Autumn Humphrey - 53 centimeters; 2500 grams

__He knows that they're gonna have to buckle up now but looking at the tiny little baby in his arms - his daughter - he's pretty certain they're gonna make it.

_'Happy' would be an understatement._

* * *

**a/n: **Welcome to the world baby girl Humphrey! I hope you guys like this chapter - feel free to leave a review; I value your opinion a lot. It's not the end of the story yet but I think we're getting there. Thanks to Anca for I don't even know why.. probably because she updates everyday and that gave me some sort of inspiration. XO _  
_


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